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I don’t know how many of you have played “The Sims”.  For those of you who haven’t humor me for a moment… In the game you choose a “Life Wish” for your Sim.  This “Life Wish” is their life-long goal.  It can be anything from reaching the top of the music career, to raising a family.  Once the Sim reaches their life-long wish that is it.  You just continue to play the game and have them go and do but to what end?  They’ve completed their goal.

I feel like I identify a bit with those Sims.  My life-long goal as a child was to 1) grow up. 2) Get married to my dream man (who I made a long, long list about), and 3) have children to raise and love.  So umm… I’m all grown up. I’m married and I have two beautiful children who I love dearly and continually work hard to raise.

Other such goals – stay with me here – were simple like “Own a nice house” or “buy that car I always wanted (a nice Toyota)”.  After moving once a year for seven years I have wanted to settle down somewhere in a house I enjoy that *I* pick out with a nice car that I enjoy and *I* pick out.  Other desires? Other than more materialistic desires that was about it. Until today.

I had an epiphany.  Where is the Lord?  Why did I want to grow up? So I could get married of course.  Why did I want to get married?  Well because I didn’t want to be alone and I wanted babies and every good Christian knows you have to get married to make babies!  Why did I want children? I don’t know.  As a kid it was this burning desire in my heart that stuck with me.  These goals were truly all I ever wanted out of life.  But where was God in all that.  Sure it started out with me as a child so I naturally wouldn’t consider God because hey, I’m just a kid!  But what about now?

So I got to thinking about that song…  Its an old church song that no one ever sings anymore except for maybe in the nice southern churches where they still sing the old hymns.  It’s about less of self and more of thee.  What’s it called? “None of Self and all of Thee’

  1. Oh, the bitter pain and sorrow
    That a time could ever be,
    When I proudly said to Jesus,
    “All of self, and none of Thee.”
    All of self, and none of Thee,
    All of self, and none of Thee,
    When I proudly said to Jesus,
    “All of self, and none of Thee.”
  2. Yet He found me; I beheld Him
    Bleeding on th’ accursed tree,
    And my wistful heart said faintly,
    “Some of self, and some of Thee.”
    Some of self, and some of Thee,
    Some of self, and some of Thee,
    And my wistful heart said faintly,
    “Some of self, and some of Thee.”
  3. Day by day His tender mercy,
    Healing, helping, full and free,
    Brought me lower while I whispered,
    “Less of self, and more of Thee.”
    Less of self, and more of Thee,
    Less of self, and more or Thee,
    Brought me lower while I whispered,
    “Less of self, and more of Thee.”
  4. Higher than the highest heaven,
    Deeper than the deepest sea,
    Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
    None of self, and all of Thee.”
    None of self, and all of Thee,
    None of self, and all of Thee,
    Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
    None of self, and all of Thee.”

 

So I realized.  For the past 28 years I have been living my life unintentionally for myself.  I wanted to get married. I wanted children.  Did I consult God on His will for my life?  Of course I believe God’s will was still done as I am a firm believer that God is in control of it all.  After all, I look back at my life and see His fingerprints everywhere.  I met my husband online and Presten wasn’t the first guy I met on there either.  I wanted to wait FIVE YEARS to have children, hoping to enjoy some married time before having kids.  When did I get pregnant? FIVE MONTHS! NO I do NOT believe that was coincidence. It was God doing His will over mine.

So now what? As a “Sim” I have fulfilled my life-long goal: to get married and have children.  Some might say, “Well, Duh, now you raise those children.”  Yes, of course.  I intended to.  I want to.  I love my kids and they are more than just a goal to me.  But what is my goal now?  What am I striving for?

I’m not sure how others feel about life goals but I believe it is important to have a goal – something you are striving for.  Be it to better yourself spiritually.  Or maybe to write the perfect novel.  Who knows?  But isn’t a life without a goal just a meandering, winding path leading nowhere?

So then part of me says, “Isn’t Heaven the goal?” Well yes, ultimately.  But what is my purpose here now?  Other than to raise my wonderful children why do I wake up in the morning?  Okay I know some of you are like, “Do you need any other reason?”  Forgive me if I sound negative or whatever but yes, I do.

My children are my sunshine.  They brighten each day.  Every kiss from them is pocketed away for the day when their kisses aren’t as freely given.  Every embrace is held tighter knowing that I do not know their fate.  Every time we have tickle time – their favorite game – I cherish those moments.  They are the “little wonders” of life that I will sit and think about in my old age.  My children are not only my “job” (as I stay home to raise them) but until today they were the reason I rose from my bed.  They are the reason I do the laundry – so they can be clothed.  They are why I cook and clean – to create a home for them.

But now I find myself wondering does God want me to do more than just raise my children.  And I do not mean just raise my children.  I mean, is their more to His plan for me?  What does He mean for me to be doing? 

Maybe I’m over thinking it.  But one thing I know for sure: I am done with being selfish and self centered in my goals.  What is a nice house or a nice car if I am not serving the Lord to my fullest capacity?  What is a beautiful life from the outside if on the inside it is devoid of God’s glory and purpose?

So now I intend to meditate and pray on what God’s will for my life is. I can be a mom and do the Lord’s work at the same time, you know.  Not to say that being a mom is not the Lord’s work. Man I hope I’m getting through here and not stepping on fellow stay at home mommas’ toes!!

Being a mom is a special calling and for some – maybe many or most – it is all the calling they need.  But for me I feel like God is pulling me to do something in addition to raising my children.  I just cannot figure out what that something is.  Whatever it is, I will involve my children as much as possible so they can help me serve the Lord in that capacity.

Questions, Comments and Curse words are welcome… well maybe the curse words arent welcome but I’ll take them any way! Smile with tongue out

Super Mama Maggie

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So I often find myself having highs of happy moments where the whole world seems right and lows where I feel so down and frustrated.  I know that whether a person is bi-polar or not, everyone experiences these highs and lows. The fact of the matter is that there is always some good things going on in life and there are always some bad things going on. 

Examples

High: I have two amazing kids who I love and adore and am so grateful I have.
Low: Even so there are days that parenting them is so difficult.  It doesn’t negate my feelings for them however it does make the situation difficult and sometimes depressing.

High: I have this amazing dog, Mortimer, who I love, cherish and adore. He is my “first born” as I got him right before we found out I was pregnant with Cassie. 
Low: But he is with a “friend” who kindly took care of him while I was in the hospital.  Now I am uncertain of if I will ever see him again because she seems unwilling to give him back.

High: My husband is working for himself now, choosing what he wants to do and what he doesn’t want to do, directing his own clinic as he sees fit.
Low: Money is a bit tight as we work hard to build his business. It can lead to frustration as we deal with situations that arise where the only solution is more money! 😦

I could go on and on.  But the fact is that there is an up side and a down side to a lot of things.  But what then should we focus on??  Obviously the up side, right?  But how do we do that?? Sometimes it is so easy to see the bad side of things and forget that silver lining.

I have learned (and am doing my best to put into practice) that prayer is a powerful thing in this matter.  Case in point, we have been praying every night for our daughters and their temperament, their future, their lives and just everything about them!  Since we started, Serenity has become so much easier to handle (PRAISE GOD!!!) and has had less rough days and more good days.

As for our amazing dog Mortimer, we have prayed hard for health and healing and as I understand it he is healthier and doing better.  Now we just have to pray we get him back someday soon from our reluctant friend.

Presten’s job is going well and we have prayed every night that it will blossom and grow so that he can help people get well. As we have prayed his contacts have exploded and he has more new patients each week.  He has been asked to be a part of several events which will yield more patients he can help.

So each time I feel frustrated, concerned, afraid or aggravated about an otherwise good situation I pray about it and look desperately for that silver lining.

My mother is a professional at finding the silver lining.  She can find the silver lining about almost anything.  Raining? Well the flowers needed it.  Waiting in line? Well I needed to grow some more patience.  Had a rough day at work? Well at least I will get good sleep tonight!  I love her and am glad she has it down but I have not inherited that trait.

I find it just as hard to love difficult people as well.  When someone is frustrating to know I just want to write them off and not always nicely.  I have had to learn to be prayerful here.  Oh and to learn some TACT…  Something else I did not inherit from my mom that she has an overabundance of!

So I guess my whole point is when you cannot see the silver lining and life is tough just look up and say, “Okay, God. I cannot see it but I know it is there.” and prayerfully go forward.  I know not everything has an easy-to-see silver lining; some might even say that there are events that have no silver lining.

To that I disagree.  Well maybe there are things that do not have a silver lining but they do have a purpose.  I am a deep believer that everything has a purpose!  Maybe your dog got hit by a car because it was either your dog or that kid three blocks down that would have run out in front of the same car!

There was one day my mom could not find her keys.  We looked EVERYWHERE!! Then when we found them, in some easy to see place, she laughed and said, “Well I’m sure God had a purpose for this.” as we were very late to school. Sure enough as we pulled toward the narrow bridge on our way to school we saw a half a house driving down the bridge, barely squeezing through with no room on either side for a car.  The bridge was long and perhaps, just maybe, we could have been caught on that bridge unknowingly and been hit by a traveling house! How funny and sad would that have been? A little too “Wizard of Oz” for me! haha

Any way!!  I hope this all makes sense.  It came out of my friend seeming to say we wouldn’t be seeing our dog again.  It made me feel upset and depressed and I wanted to write about the good side of the situation and how life does really have an up side when things seem down.  So cheer up!  Whatever has got you down either has a good side or it has a purpose.  Either way, stop and pray, because God loves you and is there for you through it all.

I praise you, God, for your abundant love and ever-presence.  I thank you for all the gifts you give and I respect you for all the things you take away.  I trust you, God, to do your will, looking out for my best interest.  I know you have a plan for my life and are always doing what is best for me now and in the future.  Thank you for all the blessings that surround me. Much Love. IJNA

God bless y’all!
Super Momma Maggie

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I share my life with the big wide world; my life as a mom, a wife and a Christian. I work to have original content that is deeper than you might expect but still enjoyable to read.

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