I don’t know how many of you have played “The Sims”.  For those of you who haven’t humor me for a moment… In the game you choose a “Life Wish” for your Sim.  This “Life Wish” is their life-long goal.  It can be anything from reaching the top of the music career, to raising a family.  Once the Sim reaches their life-long wish that is it.  You just continue to play the game and have them go and do but to what end?  They’ve completed their goal.

I feel like I identify a bit with those Sims.  My life-long goal as a child was to 1) grow up. 2) Get married to my dream man (who I made a long, long list about), and 3) have children to raise and love.  So umm… I’m all grown up. I’m married and I have two beautiful children who I love dearly and continually work hard to raise.

Other such goals – stay with me here – were simple like “Own a nice house” or “buy that car I always wanted (a nice Toyota)”.  After moving once a year for seven years I have wanted to settle down somewhere in a house I enjoy that *I* pick out with a nice car that I enjoy and *I* pick out.  Other desires? Other than more materialistic desires that was about it. Until today.

I had an epiphany.  Where is the Lord?  Why did I want to grow up? So I could get married of course.  Why did I want to get married?  Well because I didn’t want to be alone and I wanted babies and every good Christian knows you have to get married to make babies!  Why did I want children? I don’t know.  As a kid it was this burning desire in my heart that stuck with me.  These goals were truly all I ever wanted out of life.  But where was God in all that.  Sure it started out with me as a child so I naturally wouldn’t consider God because hey, I’m just a kid!  But what about now?

So I got to thinking about that song…  Its an old church song that no one ever sings anymore except for maybe in the nice southern churches where they still sing the old hymns.  It’s about less of self and more of thee.  What’s it called? “None of Self and all of Thee’

  1. Oh, the bitter pain and sorrow
    That a time could ever be,
    When I proudly said to Jesus,
    “All of self, and none of Thee.”
    All of self, and none of Thee,
    All of self, and none of Thee,
    When I proudly said to Jesus,
    “All of self, and none of Thee.”
  2. Yet He found me; I beheld Him
    Bleeding on th’ accursed tree,
    And my wistful heart said faintly,
    “Some of self, and some of Thee.”
    Some of self, and some of Thee,
    Some of self, and some of Thee,
    And my wistful heart said faintly,
    “Some of self, and some of Thee.”
  3. Day by day His tender mercy,
    Healing, helping, full and free,
    Brought me lower while I whispered,
    “Less of self, and more of Thee.”
    Less of self, and more of Thee,
    Less of self, and more or Thee,
    Brought me lower while I whispered,
    “Less of self, and more of Thee.”
  4. Higher than the highest heaven,
    Deeper than the deepest sea,
    Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
    None of self, and all of Thee.”
    None of self, and all of Thee,
    None of self, and all of Thee,
    Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
    None of self, and all of Thee.”

 

So I realized.  For the past 28 years I have been living my life unintentionally for myself.  I wanted to get married. I wanted children.  Did I consult God on His will for my life?  Of course I believe God’s will was still done as I am a firm believer that God is in control of it all.  After all, I look back at my life and see His fingerprints everywhere.  I met my husband online and Presten wasn’t the first guy I met on there either.  I wanted to wait FIVE YEARS to have children, hoping to enjoy some married time before having kids.  When did I get pregnant? FIVE MONTHS! NO I do NOT believe that was coincidence. It was God doing His will over mine.

So now what? As a “Sim” I have fulfilled my life-long goal: to get married and have children.  Some might say, “Well, Duh, now you raise those children.”  Yes, of course.  I intended to.  I want to.  I love my kids and they are more than just a goal to me.  But what is my goal now?  What am I striving for?

I’m not sure how others feel about life goals but I believe it is important to have a goal – something you are striving for.  Be it to better yourself spiritually.  Or maybe to write the perfect novel.  Who knows?  But isn’t a life without a goal just a meandering, winding path leading nowhere?

So then part of me says, “Isn’t Heaven the goal?” Well yes, ultimately.  But what is my purpose here now?  Other than to raise my wonderful children why do I wake up in the morning?  Okay I know some of you are like, “Do you need any other reason?”  Forgive me if I sound negative or whatever but yes, I do.

My children are my sunshine.  They brighten each day.  Every kiss from them is pocketed away for the day when their kisses aren’t as freely given.  Every embrace is held tighter knowing that I do not know their fate.  Every time we have tickle time – their favorite game – I cherish those moments.  They are the “little wonders” of life that I will sit and think about in my old age.  My children are not only my “job” (as I stay home to raise them) but until today they were the reason I rose from my bed.  They are the reason I do the laundry – so they can be clothed.  They are why I cook and clean – to create a home for them.

But now I find myself wondering does God want me to do more than just raise my children.  And I do not mean just raise my children.  I mean, is their more to His plan for me?  What does He mean for me to be doing? 

Maybe I’m over thinking it.  But one thing I know for sure: I am done with being selfish and self centered in my goals.  What is a nice house or a nice car if I am not serving the Lord to my fullest capacity?  What is a beautiful life from the outside if on the inside it is devoid of God’s glory and purpose?

So now I intend to meditate and pray on what God’s will for my life is. I can be a mom and do the Lord’s work at the same time, you know.  Not to say that being a mom is not the Lord’s work. Man I hope I’m getting through here and not stepping on fellow stay at home mommas’ toes!!

Being a mom is a special calling and for some – maybe many or most – it is all the calling they need.  But for me I feel like God is pulling me to do something in addition to raising my children.  I just cannot figure out what that something is.  Whatever it is, I will involve my children as much as possible so they can help me serve the Lord in that capacity.

Questions, Comments and Curse words are welcome… well maybe the curse words arent welcome but I’ll take them any way! Smile with tongue out

Super Mama Maggie

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